Sickness is Bliss MM Oneshot

Roxanne was so excited. Tonight was the night she would finally get to show off her domestic skills in front of Megamind. She let herself into his house-lair- and stacked the paper grocery bags up along the counter. She had a good hour before he would get home, so she allowed herself time to find a good bottle of wine in the pantry and turn on some music. She'd been to his place so many times before, but she'd never had the chance to cook him a good meal.

She pulled out pots and pans and unpacked her groceries. She unwrapped a package of chicken breasts and laid them out in the bottom of a baking pan. Roxanne perused Megamind's pantry until she found a good mix of herbs to season the chicken with. Once she was done, she slid the tray into the oven and set the timer. Since it was too early to start cooking the vegetables she decided to freshen up in anticipation of the night. She walked down the hall to Megamind's bedroom and opened his closet. Several weeks ago the couple decided to store some necessities at each other's places for just such an occasion. She pulled out a deep plum silk dress, (one of his favorites) and took it to the bathroom to change. She then fixed her short, brown hair, touched up her makeup, and made sure she looked generally fabulous. It never really mattered to her before, but she wanted to look her best for Megamind.

As she walked back into the kitchen, Roxanne felt her nose start to itch. She gave it a quick rub with her index finger and sniffed. Still there. She sniffed again and this time felt the itch further up inside her nose. She stood in the middle of the hallway sniffing and rubbing her nose until, "Ahhh…Ahhh…ahhhchooo!" She sneezed into the open. Finally feeling relieved of the itch she went into the kitchen to finish getting the meal ready.

After washing everything off and arranging the vegetables and knives on her cutting board, Roxanne set to work. She peeled and cubed all the potatoes and had just moved on to the carrots when she again felt her nose start to itch. She tried to ignore it. She tried to wriggle her nose and sniffle it away but finally she spun to the right, buried her face in the crook of her arm and sneezed. "Haaapchooo! Heehh…hehhIHHCHOO! HaaapCHOOO!"


"Uhhg," she sniffed and grabbed a tissue from the box on the table. After blowing her nose she washed her hands and got back to work. A few minutes later she heard Megamind outside. She smoothed her dress out, fluffed her hair and pretended not to hear him when he came through the door.

"What's cooking?" he asked, walking into the kitchen.

"Megamind!" she said and walked over to greet him. He held her head in his hands for a second before deeply kissing her.

"Mmmm. How was your day?" she asked.

"Much better now that I'm home with you. It smells amazing in here." He said, sniffing the air.

"Just a little something I thought I'd throw together. So tell me about your day while I finish getting the food together."

Megamind joined her at the cutting board. "Let me help you," he insisted. "Oh, don't be silly. Sit." Megamind was secretly glad for the concession and sat down in one of the chairs with a sigh. He would have felt perfectly content to just watch her back as she stood there slicing and dicing, however, he felt it polite to contribute something to conversation, talking about his day, protecting 'Mertocity'. She listened and occasionally commented but mostly she just loved to hear his voice; to just be in his presence. After a while, however, that familiar itch began to form in her nose once again. Roxanne continued to work with an occasional quiet sniff here or there. Megamind didn't seem to notice even when she stopped the rhythmic rock of the knife blade to silently stifle a sneeze. Although they were also silent, the next two caused her head to bob forward a bit and Megamind did notice that.

"You okay?" he asked. "Hmm? Oh, absolutely. Would you grab me a frying pan, please?" He pulled one out from a bottom cupboard, handed it her and then leaned up against the kitchen counter. Roxanne heated up the skillet and poured a little oil in before scooping all of the vegetables in. They hissed and sizzled and she completely missed Megamind's compliment on how good everything smelled because she once again had to sneeze. She "dropped" a hand towel on the floor and when she bent over to pick it up stifled another two sneezes.

Megamind watched her display and smiled in spite of himself. There she was trying to craft the perfect evening (she even wore the purple dress, for goodness sakes) and she struggling not to sneeze and ruin the mood. He stayed leaned up against the counter with his arms crossed and felt overwhelmed by tenderness as she hid behind the open cabinet door, rifling through the spices just so she could hide her face and stifle, what he guessed was, another three sneezes. When she emerged from behind the cabinet door he said, "Bless you."

"What?" She blushed.

"I said, 'bless you' for that last sneeze and the five or six before that.  Are you feeling okay tonight?" He asked, genuine concern filling his voice, and taking over his expression. "I'm fine." Her blush deepened and she continued to flitter around him stirring pots, but more importantly avoiding his eyes. Megamind finally pushed off from his post on the counter, took her shoulders and gently turned her towards him.

"Look at me," he said. When she finally held still for more than a few seconds he noticed the corners of her nose were a bit pink and her eyes a little dull. "Tell me the truth; how are you feeling tonight?"

She tried to look away but he just held her at arms length until she finally gave in. "I may be coming down with a slight cold but it's nothing, really. I just don't want it to spoil our evening." He smiled a bit. "Why don't you go sit on the couch and let me finish up and then we can eat in there and you can just fall asleep when you're ready?" he asked. "No." She insisted. "What?"

"I said no," she repeated. "This is our night and I planned it and I'm not going to let a few stupid sneezes get in the…Ahhh…get in the waaahhh…ahhhhchhoo! AhhhCHOOO! HeeehhhAAHHCHOO!!" As if to completely prove him right, Roxanne was hit with three strong sneezes mid-sentence. Megamind blessed her and reached over to the table where he took a couple tissues from the box and handed them to her. When she took them he saw she had tears coming to her eyes.

"Oh, Roxie," he said. "Its okay, these things happen." "I'm mad," she sniffed. "I know you are and it's ruined our perfect evening but there will be more, Roxanne, there will be lots more. I promise. Please go sit down and let me finish things in here." "I want to sit in here." She was pouting and he couldn't have found it any more enchanting if he tried. Figuring this was the best confession he would get, Megamind agreed and Roxanne sat down at the table while he continued to monitor her carefully prepared dinner.

Now that she'd been found out, Roxanne felt no need to hold her sneezes back anymore. What had started an hour ago as an occasional itch was now growing into a nonstop tickle that seemed to be moving further and further inside her nose. She pulled another two tissues from the box and held them in her lap waiting for the inevitable. Her breath began to grow shallow and her eyes lightly fluttered. She brought the tissues up to her nose and caught three sneezes one right after the other. "AhhhChoo! Ahhhptchhoo! AHHCHOO!" The force of the last one bent her in on herself. Megamind turned around looking concerned, "Bless you Roxa-"

"HaaaptCHOOO! AhhhCHOO!CHOO! HaaptCHOOOOOO!"

"Bless you!" Megamind said. She blew her nose and looked up at him with watery eyes. "Thag you," she said. There was no denying it; she was feeling worse by the minute. Each sneeze seemed to get stronger and more violent, taking a little more out of her each time. Suddenly, she couldn't remember why she thought a silk tank top would be warm enough for tonight. Noticing how she shivered, Megamind walked over to her, draping his cape around her shoulders.

The next fit of sneezing was fast approaching. Roxanne pulled out a soft white tissue and shook it out before bringing it up to her face. The sneezes started again, "Ahhh…ahhhchoo! Ahhhptchoo! ahhhIHHCHOO! ahhh…ihhh…IhhCHOOOO!! HEPTCHOOOO!!!" She looked over the folds of the handkerchief to see Megamind standing there with two steaming plates of food one eyebrow raised in question. She shook her head no. She was definitely not done yet. "HaaaptCHOO! HaaaptCHOOO! HaaaptCHOOOOOO! AhhhYISHEEEW!"

Roxanne wearily blew her nose into the handkerchief and tentatively took a breath. When it didn't set her off sneezing she said, "Okay. I think I'b fidished." "Bless you! My poor girl," Megamind said as he put the food on the table and sat down across from her. She was beginning to really show how bad she felt. She was completely congested and forced to breathe through her mouth. After the last round of sneezing her hair was becoming lightly tousled. He knew she probably couldn't taste her food and it was a shame because it was delicious. "If it's any consolation, dinner is wonderful," he said, hoping it would help.

"Thag you. I'll have to trust your opinion on that." Roxanne managed to sit upright at the table long enough for them both to finish their meal. When Megamind got up to clear the table he asked her if she wanted coffee or tea in the living room. "Tea would be ndice," she said. "Okay. NOW, will you please go sit on the couch while I put the plates in the dishwasher and fix us some tea?" She nodded and pushed her chair back from the table and wandered into the living room.
Megamind put hot water on the stove to boil and began rinsing off the dishes. He could hear Roxanne sigh as she settled in on the sofa. When the dishes were loaded and the tea was brewing, he stuck his head into the living room. Roxanne was curled up on one side of the couch with her head resting on the cushion. She looked so small still wrapped up in his cape. He walked over, bent down and kissed her forehead.

"I'm going to go change out of 'The Black Mamba', then I'll come sit with you. I'm bringing you tea and a sweatshirt when I come back." "I don't wad a sweatshirt. I like your cape" she said, giving him a small smile. "I know. And as much as I like you wandering around wearing it, eventually, you are going to want to go to bed and you're not going to like sleeping in a cape. Trust me, I know. And you're really not going to like having to take it off when you're half asleep."

When Megamind came back downstairs, Roxanne was sitting upright waiting for him. "You're vertical. That's good." He joked, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"Yes, I ab deterbined do hab a good night, no batter what." she said forcing a smile. He tossed her the sweatshirt and went into the kitchen to grab their tea. He also poured a glass of water and grabbed a few Advil for Roxanne. He sat down next to her and she took the pills then slipped off the cape. She pulled her arms through the sleeves of the sweatshirt, one hand still clutching  tissues, and shuddered with chill. Megamind helped ease the sweatshirt down over her head and then rubbed her arms quickly to help warm her up again.

"I promise you'll be more comfortable in that." he said. He then handed her a steaming mug of tea, took his own, and leaned back next to her on the couch. "So how are you feeling?" he asked. "I'b okay. Tired but okay. I just feel like I'b going to sdeeze all the tibe. When you were in the kitchid earlier I starded to sdeeze like seven tibes and then it just goes away." He gave her a sympathetic smile. "This tea is really good," she said. "I mbean, I can't taste buch but it feels good." She wrapped her hands around the mug and brought it up to her face, letting the steam wash over her lips and nose which were getting more chapped by the minute.

"I'm glad. And I'm sorry your 'sdeezes' are stuck," he said, mimicking her distorted speech pattern. She laughed a bit and gave him a quick wink. The steam from the tea, however, was starting to play tricks on her nose. Roxanne could feel the congestion breaking up a little and her nose starting to itch yet again. She sniffed a couple of times and decided it would be best to set her cup back on the coffee table. She picked the tissues up off her lap and held it between her hands.

"Are you coming un-stuck?" Megamind asked her. "Probably dot. It's probably just playing around making mbe think I...ahhh...I'bahhhh...ahh..." She sniffled once "...making me think I'm gonnahhh...ahhh...AAAH!  See? I told you so."

She leaned forward to get her coffee mug when, suddenly, she took a sharp breath in and brought the tissue up to her face...and froze. Roxanne stayed like that for a moment then sat back on the couch looking puzzled.

"Undecided?" Megamind asked, smirking. "Yeah. The tickle is defiditely baahh...ahhh...ahhuhhuhhuhh...ahh...back...ahhh...HaaaahCHOO! HaaptCHOO! HaptCHOO HAPTCHOOOO HAAATCHOOO!!! Huhhh..huhh...huhh..oh god! More- AAAHHCHOO! AAATCHOOO!! Ahhh....ahh...AhhhChooo! YISHEWWW!! Begabind, could yahhh...AhhhSNSHEEEW!! Could you get be anoth- ahhhh...anoth- ahhhh...AHHHSHEEEEW!!! another tissue?"

He hopped up and went to the kitchen, glad to be able to do something other than just watch Roxanne sneeze over and over and over. He grabbed the box of tissues and hurried back over to her, setting the box on the table beside her. She was still sneezing and they kept growing louder, closer together and more desperate sounding.

"Tha- aaahh...AhhhhCHEEEW!!AHHSHEEEW! AhhhCHOOahhCHOOahhCHOOOO!!! Huh, huh, hah, HaaaYISHEEEEW!!!" Roxanne swapped out tissues and sneezed anew into the fresh one. "CHEEEW! AhhhCHEWW! HaaaPTSHEWWW!" She sniffled again. "Uhg, I ca- aaah...ahh...AhhhCHOOO!! I can't stop," she managed.

"You will. Just be patient," Megamind said, even though he was starting to get worried about how hard and how fast she was sneezing. However, after three rapid 'HAAAAAYIHHHSHHHOOO's, Roxanne was, at last, able to blow her nose and bring her sneezing under control. She caught the last weary sneezes in the handkerchief "HeepChMMF!! HaaaptCHMpF!"

Megamind rubbed her back while she tried to catch her breath. He pulled the loose strands of hair away from her face, kissed her temple and whispered, "Bless you." in her ear before pulling her up against him to rest.